What Is The BDSM Community?

## The Community BDSM is a community first and foremost, with its own expectations, rules & limits that we entrust with each other. It is far more meaningful than a tag in PornHub, admittedly long ago this was my view about BDSM until I met someone who taught me there so much more to BDSM. The BDSM Community has an intense focus on promoting and ensuring safety with each other. Often local gatherings, sites, and online communities like ours exist to promote a safer exploration into BDSM for others, as well as a way to meet others safely. If you ever sought out your local community you will see a wide array of rules and expectations to participate in events. Local gatherings often work through vouches and other means to foster a safe and discrete community. Alternatively, there are many great public events you can join through fetlife.com that can open more doors to private gatherings through the connections you make along the way in the community.

How does policing work?

We all do our small part to keep the community a better place. We all help one another learn, give resources and fix incorrect information. When you see someone being unsafe do not be afraid to speak up. If your friend is having an unhealthy dynamic let them know. BDSM is unfortunately an intimate topic so bad stuff can easily go unchecked/unnoticed in private so if you are in a position to help do your part respectfully. Though if you are part of our Discord let our Staff know if things escalate, so we can take care and ban the users.

In local events like dungeons, there are people called Dungeons Monitors. These people take the form of a staff figure who moderates events and ensures everyone is safe when being kinky. If they see unsafe behaviors, or if rules are being broken ( such as drug use) they stop your scene and may kick you out depending. Rules can vary from place, safety is important and many have strict no substance rules, even alcohol. Dungeon Monitors typically take their role quite seriously, if something were to happen it is their responsibility. If they tell you to stop, you stop. Their authority is absolute and it’s not to be questioned even if you disagree, their house, their rules. Small mistakes happen and if you screw up something you listen and learn. Dungeons Monitors usually have significant experience and are a good way to ask about rules, kink safety, or protocol if you are unsure about something new to you. Dungeon Masters are the last role you may find in your local community. It denotes the person who owns or manages the event, usually in charge of the Dungeon Monitors (maybe one themselves in practice too).

To Be In A Dynamic

BDSM dynamics are something precious, they are to be taken seriously just like a relationship. If you serial abuser, cheater, or overall shitty person expect to be ostracized by those in your local community, or in communities like ours. Therefore always follow rules, put your best foot forward and raise others up by educating them so we are all rise together as a BDSM community. Remember, there is little patience for people who do not hold our values.

How can I tell who is in the community?

In the last decade, BDSM has become mainstream, making it hard to tell if a person’s interest in BDSM is superficial and inspired by porn/movies or if they are serious about diving into BDSM. As you venture you will come across people who lack understanding of what BDSM is (especially people under 30). These types of people fall into a gray area where they say they are into BDSM because it’s trendy and attractive, but do not involve themselves in the BDSM community or try to educate themselves. Usually meaning they do not see themselves part of the community, see BDSM purely as a simplied sexual kink.

Forming dynamics with people like these is not a deal breaker, but helping a person explore serious commitment to BDSM for the first time is risky. BDSM is something that usually takes years for people to learn about what they really want. They may find their path may not align with your path. It’s not uncommon for things to fall apart with so much uncertainty. In the same vein it can be rewarding seeing the growth of a partner. Personally I recommend staying away from these dynamics unless you like helping/teaching, or you are likely to get frustrated.

The most important factor

The sign someone respects BDSM (and potentially you) is if they sought to educate themselves about BDSM and safety for the kinks they enjoy. Many say they are into BDSM and are unable to answer basic safety concepts. Sometimes playing the “I know it all card” or otherwise hyping up their superficial knowledge and disregarding criticism. If someone has sought out BDSM education, they are likely involved in the community and that is a great sign they are serious.

Tip: I like to encourage submissives to learn about their own kink and how it’s performed safely, even if they have no intention of dominating someone themselves. It can be a great way to be educated and protect themselves, as well as know when someone is lying about their skillset.